Knock knock

I think one of my biggest struggles with OCD is, even when I'm having a great week, feeling good about my relationship and about my life in general, it's almost like it's autopilot for me to be feeling anxious and to have something I'm obsessing and worrying about.

It's as though the unfamiliar feeling of peace and ease makes me feel uncomfortable, I shouldn't be feeling like this surely? I need to be prepared for something bad to happen and get to work on figuring out what that might be to prevent any hurt.

OCD creeps up the most when I'm happy, because the fear of that happiness going away seems to trigger the obsessional thoughts and the need to protect myself.

It was my fourth week of CBT last week and my therapist gave me a metaphor to try and help me picture the intuitional thoughts in a different light. Here it is...

Imagine you are having a house party, all of your friends are there and you've been looking forward to it for a long time. You're having a great time and feeling really happy when suddenly there's a knock at the door.

You open the door to an unexpected guest, one you really really didn't want to see and definitely don't want at the party!

Now you have 2 options...

Option 1: You tell said unexpected and unwanted guest that they can't come inside and you don't want them there but this only makes them angry and you go back and forth arguing. You give in and let them in but your evening is ruined and you can't enjoy the party.

Option 2: You don't really want them there but you decide to let them in and try to not let it bother your night. You talk and laugh with your friends, noticing said person in the background but as the night goes on you become less aware of them and have a good time, soon they are completely irrelevant.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is very proactive and at the end of each session I am given homework to do, which is usually putting some of the techniques we have discussed into practice.

For the next week I am to think of this metaphor, applying it to any intuitional thoughts I may have and try my best not to resort to 'Theory A' (See previous blog post).

So far it's very very hard, I instantly go to reassure myself about the thought rather than thinking 'it's just a thought, let it be'.

In theory, the more I apply this way of thinking and acknowledge the intuitional thoughts without giving them too much attention, this should help to change my way of thinking and

break the cycle of believing every intrusion I have to be true.

Thoughts are thoughts and all that.